Darla Nagel
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Lightening the Shadow

What Remission Is Like: Scared of My Shadow

8/25/2018

7 Comments

 
I'm feeling better than I have in years and taking on more work than ever. However, the metaphor of my ME/CFS as a heavy shadow remains apt because now instead of being one me, it's lingering behind me, following me. It won't go away. It's always there. I keep looking back at it to see how big it is. What will it do next?
Shadow
Photo: Damien Walmsley, Flickr Creative Commons
Darla Nagel is an editor and writing tutor who has an invisible chronic illness. She wants to help other patients and enlighten health care professionals about our experiences. If you’d like to receive quarterly updates from her, sign up by emailing darla.nagel@gmail.com.
7 Comments
Linda Miller
8/28/2018 09:40:18 am

It must feel like you are being stalked by a menacing ogre. People often say, "Live one day at a time." It's good advice, but hard to follow.

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Darla Nagel link
8/28/2018 05:31:46 pm

You said it, Linda! Know what else is like a menacing ogre? A doctor who says, "ME/CFS is nothing serious."

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Kelly
8/29/2018 03:32:40 pm

While ME/CFS isn't 'all in one's head', this is a perfect example of the mind-body connection, and how the illness can indeed be prolonged or perpetuated with fears and negative assumptions.

I'd ask yourself the question, why do I feel I don't deserve full health? Is there something -- some incident or incidents from your past that helped create a subconscious belief that the world isn't safe...that you don't deserve a decent illness free life?

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Darla Nagel link
8/29/2018 06:00:08 pm

I appreciate your drive to help, Kelly. I've explored my past through counseling and identified no trigger for my illness. I do keep a positive outlook usually, just not quite on the day I wrote this post. Being positive and in tune with one's past and feelings does help with emotional and mental health, yes. I try to keep an open mind and tell myself the future could bring better health, not necessarily worse health.

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Kelly
10/1/2022 03:20:52 pm

Sorry Darla,

Didn't get any notification of your last reply until today.

I suppose I'm wasting my time commenting, but did the person or persons you had counseling with ask you why you're so driven? So 'overachieving'?

Pressures we put on ourselves can affect our hormones -- raising cortisol, which affects everything including immune function.

But no doubt you'll dismiss this, just as I see you dismiss nutritional advice. I hope at the very least you're not waiting for the 'magic pill'. :)

Kelly

p.s. Did you know that a study of long covid found regression models showed childhood trauma accurately classified long COVID status in 87% of participants? Childhood stressors, traumas, are connected with almost ALL chronic illness.

Norwalk Home Theater link
10/1/2022 11:24:09 am

Hi great reading your bloog

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Darla Nagel link
10/3/2022 06:56:58 am

Welcome back to the blog, Kelly! I'm happy you've taken an interest in me and in long COVID. So many people with long COVID are in need of support and answers.
I honestly can't remember if during counseling we explored why I'm driven bordering on overachieving. I know I was hard on myself even from a young age but am a bit easier on myself now, and I have some knowledge of negative effects of cortisol. I had saliva testing to measure cortisol before I had my diagnosis, and it showed slightly abnormally low levels in early morning and late night. That baffled the doctor I had then. You can read more about that in my book.
I don't dismiss all nutritional advice. Nutrition science is an interest of mine. Rest assured I'm not sitting and waiting for a "magic pill." I know it doesn't exist.

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    Author:
    ​Darla Nagel

    Darla copyedits biomedical research and writes natural health magazine articles while living with an invisible chronic illness. She has a big appetite for chocolate despite being a health nut.

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